Stop THIS and Start THAT to Find Happy Love®
By: Bela Gandhi
I am often called a psychotic optimist – because I believe that love exists for every single person on this planet (that wants it, and is willing to work a little bit to find it). I founded Smart Dating Academy eight years ago to teach singles everywhere, of all ages, HOW to identify the right partners, and how to date to find them (since we are rarely taught that at home). People often ask, “What’s the secret to finding happy love?” The common denominator of every client that found love was that they’d stopped their self-sabotaging behaviors and replaced those with successful strategies. The “stop” and “start” behaviors were different for every successful person, but here are some of the most common ones that you might identify with – and can put you on the superhighway to finding love this year:
1. Stop believing in "types." When someone says “my type,” I hear “dating pattern.” If you have a type, you might just be doing the same wrong thing over and over again, with no success. Start casting your net wider, because your mate will come to you in an unexpected package — I promise.
2. Stop dating bad guys/gals, and Start dating high GHQ men (High in Good Husband Qualities)! High GHQ men are kind, reliable, consistent and ‘like you a little more’ than you like them. Bad boys are, well, bad. You can’t fix anyone except yourself. And if you’re looking for a wife, “High in Good Wife Qualities.”
3. Stop thinking online dating sites and apps are useless, and start getting back online the right way. You need great photos of you alone, headshots and body shots, and a positive, memorable profile. There are millions of Americans dating online at all times, and it’s estimated that one in three marriages start online.
4. Stop ‘speed dating’, and getting rid of someone after date one just because there is no ‘chemistry’. Start giving love a chance to develop. Chemistry can grow – and sometimes the real first date is the second date! Unless you see any deal-breaker behaviors (angry, abusive, addictive, critical), give him/her up to five-six dates to let the love develop
5. Stop having sex too early. Start practicing ‘sexclusivity’ - waiting until you are in an exclusive relationship to have sex. This continues to amaze me. Successful women wonder why sleeping with a man on the third date is a bad idea. Why? It usually stunts the emotional growth of the relationship. He should love you before hopping in the sack. Old school? Maybe. Good advice? Definitely.
6. Stop thinking butterflies in your stomach are the sign you should be looking for! Start knowing that butterflies are often a bad sign. Butterflies are often fear and anxiety, and your body’s way of saying, “Danger up ahead! Run!” I don’t know any women who married the guys that gave them butterflies.
If you’re not in a relationship and want to be, you can be. If you’re in one that’s not healthy, you can find a better one. Think hard about what you’re doing well and what’s not working—what to stop and what to start – and have someone give you a helping hand. I promise you, love exists for everyone – especially you.
